Key Takeaways
- The average person takes 10-20 minutes to fall asleep—if it's much longer, you're not alone
- The 4-7-8 breathing technique activates your parasympathetic nervous system within minutes
- The Military Sleep Method was designed to help soldiers sleep in 2 minutes (with practice)
- Cognitive shuffling stops racing thoughts by giving your brain random, boring tasks
- What you do in the hour before bed matters more than any technique
I used to lie in bed for hours. My brain would replay conversations from 2014, plan meetings that didn't exist yet, and somehow always land on that embarrassing thing I said at a party in college. Sound familiar?
After a year of divorce-induced insomnia, I became a reluctant expert in falling asleep. I tried everything—apps, supplements, podcasts, that thing where you tense and release every muscle. Some worked. Most didn't. What I learned: the techniques that actually help are backed by science, free, and don't require buying a $200 weighted blanket.
01 Why You Can't Fall Asleep
Before we get to solutions, it helps to understand what's actually happening when you can't sleep. Spoiler: it's not because you're broken.
Your body has two systems fighting for control at bedtime. The sympathetic nervous system (fight-or-flight) keeps you alert and ready for danger. The parasympathetic nervous system (rest-and-digest) calms everything down for sleep. When you can't sleep, your sympathetic system is winning—and it doesn't care that the "danger" is just tomorrow's work presentation.
The Three Sleep Blockers
Racing Thoughts
Your brain won't shut up about things you can't control right now
Physical Tension
Stress lives in your body—tight shoulders, clenched jaw, shallow breathing
Sleep Anxiety
Worrying about not sleeping makes it harder to sleep (cruel irony)
The good news: all of these can be addressed with specific techniques. The better news: most of them work within minutes once you know what you're doing.
02 Breathing Techniques That Actually Work
Controlled breathing is the fastest way to flip the switch from sympathetic to parasympathetic activation. It's not woo-woo—it's physiology. When you exhale longer than you inhale, you stimulate the vagus nerve, which directly signals your body to calm down[1].
The 4-7-8 Method
Developed by Dr. Andrew Weil (based on ancient pranayama techniques), this is my go-to. It sounds too simple, but a 2019 study found it significantly reduced anxiety and improved sleep quality in college students[2].
- Exhale completely through your mouth with a whooshing sound
- Inhale quietly through your nose for 4 seconds
- Hold your breath for 7 seconds
- Exhale completely through your mouth for 8 seconds
- Repeat for 4 breath cycles (you can work up to 8)
Pro tip: The numbers matter less than the ratio. If 4-7-8 feels too long, try 2-3.5-4. The key is exhaling longer than you inhale.
"Breathing is the only autonomic function we can consciously control. Use it."
— Dr. Andrew Huberman, Stanford Neuroscientist
Box Breathing (For Anxious Minds)
If holding your breath for 7 seconds feels impossible when you're anxious (it did for me), try box breathing instead. Navy SEALs use this to stay calm under pressure[3].
03 The Military Sleep Method
This technique was developed by the U.S. Navy Pre-Flight School to help pilots fall asleep in 2 minutes or less. According to the book Relax and Win (1981), it had a 96% success rate after 6 weeks of practice[4].
Full disclosure: the first time I tried this, I thought it was ridiculous. By week three, I was falling asleep in under 10 minutes consistently. Your mileage may vary, but it's worth the practice.
- Relax your face. Close your eyes. Let your forehead go slack. Unclench your jaw. Let your tongue fall. Relax the muscles around your eyes.
- Drop your shoulders. Let them fall as low as they'll go. Then relax one arm at a time—upper arm, forearm, hand, fingers.
- Exhale and relax your chest. Feel it sink into the bed.
- Relax your legs. Start with your thigh, then calf, then foot. Repeat on the other side.
- Clear your mind for 10 seconds. Imagine lying in a canoe on a calm lake with clear blue sky above. Or imagine lying in a black velvet hammock in a pitch-black room. If thoughts intrude, repeat "don't think" for 10 seconds.
"The technique requires practice. Don't expect miracles the first night. Expect them after two weeks."
— Lloyd Bud Winter, Relax and Win
04 Cognitive Tricks for Racing Thoughts
Sometimes the problem isn't physical tension—it's that your brain won't stop generating content like a broken TikTok algorithm. These techniques work by giving your brain something boring to do instead.
Cognitive Shuffling
Developed by cognitive scientist Luc Beaudoin, this technique exploits a quirk in how your brain enters sleep. When you start drifting off, your thoughts become random and disconnected. Cognitive shuffling mimics this state, essentially tricking your brain into thinking it's already falling asleep[5].
How Cognitive Shuffling Works
- Pick a random word (like "bedtime")
- For each letter, think of words that start with that letter
- For each word, visualize the object for a few seconds
- Move to the next letter when you run out of words
Example: B → banana (visualize), butterfly, bridge, balloon... E → elephant, envelope, elevator... and so on. Most people don't make it past the third letter.
The Paradoxical Intention Technique
This one sounds counterintuitive: try to stay awake. No, really.
Research shows that the anxiety about not sleeping often keeps us awake more than anything else. A study in Behavioural and Cognitive Psychotherapy found that people who were told to try to stay awake (while lying in bed with eyes closed) fell asleep faster than those trying to sleep[6].
Lie in bed, keep your eyes open in the dark, and tell yourself "I will not sleep." Your brain, being the contrarian it is, will often do the opposite.
05 Body-Based Techniques
Sometimes you need to address the physical tension directly. These techniques target the body to calm the mind.
Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR)
Developed in the 1930s by physician Edmund Jacobson, PMR is one of the most studied relaxation techniques. A meta-analysis of 27 studies found it significantly improves sleep quality[7].
Tense (5 seconds)
Starting with your feet, tense the muscles as hard as you can. Really squeeze. Hold for 5 seconds while breathing normally.
Release (30 seconds)
Let go suddenly and completely. Notice the contrast between tension and relaxation. Breathe out as you release.
Move Up
Progress through your body: feet → calves → thighs → glutes → stomach → chest → hands → arms → shoulders → face.
Full Scan
Once you've done the whole body, do a mental scan. Any remaining tension? Give those areas an extra round.
Temperature Manipulation
Your body temperature naturally drops as you fall asleep. You can hack this process in two ways:
Warm Shower/Bath (1-2 hours before bed)
This seems counterintuitive, but warming your body causes blood vessels to dilate, which actually accelerates heat loss and cooling afterward. Studies show a warm bath 1-2 hours before bed can help you fall asleep 10 minutes faster[8].
Cool Your Room
Keep your bedroom between 60-67°F (15-19°C). Your body needs to drop about 2-3 degrees to initiate sleep. A cool room helps this happen.
Socks (Yes, Really)
Warm feet dilate blood vessels, which helps release heat from your core. A Swiss study found that warm feet were the strongest predictor of how quickly people fell asleep[9].
06 What to Avoid (The Obvious and Not-So-Obvious)
You've heard the basics: no caffeine after 2pm, no screens before bed, no alcohol (it helps you pass out but wrecks your sleep quality). Here are some less obvious sleep saboteurs:
Hidden Sleep Killers
- Trying too hard. The more you chase sleep, the more it runs away. Paradoxical, but true.
- Clock-watching. Turn your clock away. Calculating how little sleep you'll get increases anxiety.
- Using bed for non-sleep activities. Work, scroll, argue with strangers online? Not in bed. (Sex is the exception.)
- Large meals within 3 hours of bed. Your body can't sleep and digest at the same time.
- Intense exercise after 7pm. Light stretching is fine; HIIT is not.
The 20-Minute Rule
If you've been lying in bed for more than 20 minutes without falling asleep, get up. Go to another room. Do something boring in dim light (read a dull book, not your phone). Return to bed only when you feel sleepy.
This is called stimulus control, and it's a core component of CBT-I (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia). It works by breaking the association between your bed and wakefulness[10].
I know it sounds like the last thing you want to do when you're tired. But lying in bed frustrated trains your brain to associate bed with frustration. Breaking that cycle is worth the short-term discomfort.
The Bottom Line
None of these techniques work every time for everyone. But they all work some of the time for most people. My suggestion: try each one for a week before deciding if it's for you.
The 4-7-8 breathing and cognitive shuffling have the highest success rates in my completely unscientific personal trials. The military method took longer to learn but now works almost automatically.
Most importantly: if you've been struggling with sleep for more than a few weeks, talk to a doctor. These techniques are for occasional sleeplessness, not chronic insomnia—that's a different beast that often needs professional help.
Sources & Further Reading
- "Breath of Life: The Respiratory Vagal Stimulation Model of Contemplative Activity." Frontiers in Human Neuroscience, 12, 397. (2018) PubMed →
- "Effects of sleep deprivation and 4-7-8 breathing control on heart rate variability, blood pressure, blood glucose, and endothelial function." Physiological Reports, 10(13), e15355. (2022) PubMed →
- "Brief structured respiration practices enhance mood and reduce physiological arousal." Cell Reports Medicine, 4(1), 100895. (2023) PubMed →
- "Relax and Win: Championship Performance." A.S. Barnes and Company. (1981) Goodreads →
- "Cognitive Shuffle: A randomized controlled trial of a brief insomnia intervention." Sleep Medicine, 52, 94-97. (2018) PubMed →
- "Towards a valid, reliable measure of sleep effort." Behavioural and Cognitive Psychotherapy, 33(2), 249-262. (2005) Cambridge →
- "The effect of progressive muscle relaxation on the management of fatigue and quality of sleep." Journal of Education and Health Promotion, 10, 100. (2021) PubMed →
- "Before-bedtime passive body heating by warm shower or bath to improve sleep." Sleep Medicine Reviews, 46, 124-135. (2019) PubMed →
- "Warm feet promote the rapid onset of sleep." Nature, 401(6748), 36-37. (1999) PubMed →
- "Stimulus control therapy." Behavioral Treatments for Sleep Disorders, 21-30. (2011) PubMed →
Recommended Resources
- Say Good Night to Insomnia by Gregg D. Jacobs, PhD
- The Sleep Solution by W. Chris Winter, MD
- Huberman Lab Podcast: "Master Your Sleep"
